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<p data-role="original-title" style="display:none">原标题：论一本正经敷衍尴尬问题，我只服当代娱乐圈明星！</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/8d2f927b51d3c3179ea65a13.gif" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/b4a85f324c580b9cf94394c7.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">▼</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">生活中总是不免有些人或对话</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">非常想让人<strong>敷衍</strong></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">特别是当今强调“聊天当杠”的时代</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">曾经时刻念叨在嘴边的</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“他人生气我不气，气出病来无人替”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">早已被时代淘汰替换成</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“忍一时越想越气，退一步越想越亏”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">虽然直言直语让人很爽</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">只是不过有时说话太过锋利</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">难免会让他人感到不适</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">一不小心，就会从社交场“乘风破浪”变成了“兴风作浪”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">因此，能<strong>把话说得既得体不阴阳怪气</strong></p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><strong>又能巧妙搪塞劝退对方</strong></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">便成了一项必备技能</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/0897b2bb1730dc95c05fd720.png" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">今天，就跟文字君来瞅瞅</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">那些年的<strong>万能敷衍“绝句”</strong></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">看看如何一句话气晕别人、逗笑自己</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">▼</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/6ee6e24dc9cc826e77118698.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">常言道：<strong>关系越近，矛盾越多</strong></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">在日常生活中</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">不少冲突往往发生在亲密关系中</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">尤其是情侣夫妻之间</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">稍有语言或行为上的不留神</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">就会从甜蜜蜜的爱情之旅</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">化身互相厮杀的狗血情感连续剧</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/d1c22c4aa5e231c43e45a01e.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">鉴于情侣关系具有的特殊性</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">面对即将到来的风暴</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">被责难的那一方往往不敢直接开怼</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">又不愿意忍着不说话</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">因此，他们多以侧面的形式含蓄冒犯</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">看似平和，实则让人气到吐血</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">比如这种<strong>“顾左右而言它”</strong>法</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">就是直接忽视对方的怒火</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">自说自话地抛出一个新事物</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">以达到模糊对方生气焦点的作用</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/acd166df94e15207e1e9ef99.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">其中，最典型的例子</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">就是用<strong>假装有趣的图片段子</strong>来敷衍的</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/1473f53e342a6f09a4ba706b.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">对于被责怪的一方来说</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">这种系列的回复简直就像“降维打击”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">表面上看起来是在分享有趣的事物</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">却暗戳戳流露出一种：</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><strong>“你的态度，与我无关”</strong>的心态</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">当类似“肉图系列”成为流行</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">逐渐成为敷衍他人的标志性答复后</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">你再也无需费劲寻找形状奇葩的肉</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">随便在网上找个带肉的图片</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">就是会意对方的“免聊牌”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/febf452ad079bb6af1f98681.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">除了分享好玩的图片段子</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">直接分享点<strong>对方感兴趣的内容</strong></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">像是游戏、美食、八卦啊之类</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">也可以利用人的好奇心</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">将对方拿捏得死死的</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">在嘴战一触即发前</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">悄无声息地转移对方的注意力</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/cd735c53d81aebf439dea20e.png" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">这种赤裸裸的诱惑</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">一般人根本受不了好吗？</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/bef631f95214be18ad73441a.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“顾左右而言它”法</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">还只是情侣气死对方的初阶</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">要说火力更猛的</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">还得是<strong>“直接硬刚”</strong>型</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">此法极为简单</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">顾名思义，没有那么多弯弯绕绕</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">主张吐露潜藏心底的膈应想法</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">让观者见之喉咙堵塞，难以回言</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">是此法的终极目标</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/29f3522d68f9398b88296b26.png" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">和被吐槽无数遍的“多喝热水”相比</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">这种回复方式相当“平地一惊雷”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">堪称百分百送命回复</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/c7ac1232ced0b3a4f6c648ae.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“是，反正都已经哭完了</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">什么时候哄都是一样的”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">这位胖友，你真的很会偷懒诶</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">就问你对象还理你吗？</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">除了吵架之外</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">敷衍小天才还经常将自己的聪明才智</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">发挥在日常生活中</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">保持着不气死人誓不罢休的勇气与毅力</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/b880ebfbba91101f733badfb.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">有时这脑回路弯弯绕绕</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">也能像个犯错后弥补的孩子似的</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">敷衍得异常微妙走心</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">让人生不来气</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/96d9392accb3f8ff5bc63043.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">▼</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/4f09cfc21936e1a5010531de.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">在一言一行都被无限放大的娱乐圈</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><strong>应（tang）答（se）</strong>更是一项基础救命技能</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">尤其近几年来</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">随着娱乐圈越发崇尚多元化</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">你必须在采访时巧妙“放飞自我”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">灵活展示出自己的真性情</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">才能避免冷宫命运</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">其中，“直男属性”是时下不少男星的热门标签</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><strong>耿直的性格配上无辜的表情</strong></p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><strong>再配上那张迷人的脸</strong>（此处应有着重线</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">即便说得再不给面子，再别扭</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">也能让你又气又笑、欲哭无泪</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">例如，同样是表示“拒绝”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">相对于普通人的谨慎委婉</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">有些明星们的拒绝却是一个比一个干脆</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">毫不拖泥带水</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">不容你半分质疑</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/15362cf425ac5a84923cff15.png" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">想认个明星当哥哥似乎不太可行</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">那嫁给明星呢?</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">这可是不少粉丝日日夜夜的期待啊！</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">然而答案是绝望的</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">昊然弟弟会亲口告诉你：</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">莫得半点机会</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/c0c5344bafa9b362ea23555f.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">既认不了亲</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">也当不了女朋友</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">那就再降低点要求吧</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">偶遇一下明星可以吗？</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">这道题白敬亭可以回答：</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">当然没问题了！</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">快去睡觉吧！梦里最快了！</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/23326a152e4169c0f224d41f.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">除了干脆利落的拒绝</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">明星的<strong>“扎心吐槽言论”</strong>也不在少数</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">每句话都有理有据，客观事实</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">但旁观者听起来却是相当心痛</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">林更新的坊间代号为“9亿少女的梦”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">有记者问他：“什么时候9亿少女能变成10亿”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">沉思几秒后，他挂着毫不掩饰地笑容道</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“9亿这个数字肯定在逐年下降了，</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">因为喜欢我的人好像已经不算少女了”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/19bd316756a7552ad2a256ea.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">同样是敏感的年龄话题</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">相对于林更新的“粉丝映衬”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">王俊凯则是善良无害</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">只有实打实自嘲</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/7d9af0c951f8a4170c47a062.png" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“快奔二了”？</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">这让那些都快奔三奔四</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">还倔强认为自己是少女少男</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">过完520还想过六一的叔姨粉咋想？</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">相较之下，王源则充满<strong>耿直boy的自信</strong></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“减肥这两个字，从我五岁之后，</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">就没有在我王源的字典里出现过”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">说这句话的时候</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">有没有想过那些挣扎在减肥一线的人们</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">该有多么受伤？</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/1b527e5bed8dc7ffd7242a70.png" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">常在娱乐圈走，哪能不遇坑？</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">面对他人不怀好意的问题</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">总有些情商高的明星们</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">能巧妙地替自己敷衍</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">再顺手把地雷传到对方手上</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">最拔尖的搪塞小天才要数黄渤了</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">轻易不发功，可一旦被逼急</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">就能分分钟把别人气到冒烟</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">一次节目中，小S为了比较</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">自己和林志玲在黄渤心中的地位</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">问他：“如果我和林志玲掉到海里，你要救谁”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/7841572cd16d4e1bc43ed49d.png" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">起初黄渤一直不愿意回答这个问题</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">但面对小S的一再逼问</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">他只能说先救小S</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">再借身高顺势噎一波提问题的人</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/f5be170f2d8075af59370f99.png" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">此外，黄渤和曾志伟在一次主持过程中</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">也发生了一场正面“唇舌战争”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">黄渤献唱完毕，曾志伟走上台</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">半开玩笑地说了句</p>
<blockquote>
<strong>曾志伟：“我叫你黄大哥，因为你让我知道</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>原来我真的不能够在银幕上唱歌</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>只能当个主持人就算了</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>因为在银幕里，一张丑脸是很难过的</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>刚刚你启发了我</strong>
</blockquote>
<p class="ql-align-center">这种话一听就是来者不善</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">但久经沙场的黄渤</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">显然也不会被他这句话噎到</p>
<blockquote>
<strong>黄渤：对对对，其实我们也是互相鼓励</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>我小时候也没想过干这一行</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>后来一想曾志伟都可以拿影帝</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>我凭什么不行？（kill！）</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>黄渤：所以说偶像对于我们的影响是很巨大的！</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>从小喜欢郑少秋的，长大了以后变成F4</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>从小喜欢曾志伟的，长大以后就变成了我（double kill！）</strong>
</blockquote>
<p class="ql-align-center">▼</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/b3f1aba0e7cb5b8c1d4bcc48.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">看了这么多现代人的搪塞金句</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">是不是被他们的犀利折服了？</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">别急！再来看看古代人的扎心发言</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">说不定更加凶猛呢~</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">提到<strong>孔融</strong></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">不少人会条件反射般想到“让梨”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">实际上，孔融可不仅仅会让梨</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">作为孔子二十世孙，建安七子之首</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">孔融带着名门之后+文坛领袖的双重标签</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">妥妥祖传的“搪塞大师”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">他小时候去别人家拜访</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">别人都夸奖他的才华</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">只有一个叫陈韪的人酸他</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">说小时候很聪明的人</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">长大了未必很有才华</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/80e4cfab07a15bd1057a3b5b.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">孔融听了，心里那叫一个生气</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">但他啥也没表现出来</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">只是淡定以彼之道还施彼身：</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“我猜想您小时候一定很聪明吧”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">陈韪听了后有些恼羞成怒</p>
<blockquote>
<strong>太中大夫陈韪后至，人以其语语之</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>韪曰：“小时了了，大未必佳。”</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>文举曰：“想君小时，必当了了。”韪大踧躇</strong>
</blockquote>
<p class="ql-align-center">同样是搪塞</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">古代文人雅士讲究的是文学素养</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">通常不直接点名道姓</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">而是通过巧妙的比喻来暗中讽刺</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">伤人力度是一点不减</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/4a5b7b93b0057429c7121fff.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><strong>文映江</strong>是清末小有名气的文人</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">他解甲归田、回归故里后</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">经常和乡邻们一起喝茶</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">有人看到文映江一身布衣</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">丝毫不像荣归故里的官宦人家</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">就有几分奚落的意思</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">面对别人的质疑</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">文映江感慨的随口吟道</p>
<blockquote>
<strong>百炼千锤一根针，一颠一倒布上行</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>眼晴长在屁股上，只认衣冠不认人</strong>
</blockquote>
<p class="ql-align-center">这首诗看似在描述缝衣针</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">实则回噎了那些以貌取人的小人</p>
<p class="ql-align-center"><img src="/public/uploads/article/2020/06/25/15c23ce85b437904a89a7848.jpeg" max-width="600" /></p>
<p class="ql-align-center">有些时候，古人敷衍噎人还特别有趣</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">晋元帝喜当爹以后</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">心情非常爽</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">给臣子们一堆恩赏</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">但偏偏有个矫情的臣子推辞说</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“皇子诞生，应该普天同庆。</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">但臣无功不受禄，不好意思领厚礼”</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">晋元帝听了，笑着说：</p>
<p class="ql-align-center">“皇子诞生的事怎么能有你的功劳？”</p>
<p> </p>
<blockquote>
<strong>晋元帝皇子生，普赐群臣</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>殷洪桥谢曰：“皇子诞育，普天同庆</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>臣无勋焉，而猥颁厚赉。”</strong>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
<strong>中宗笑曰：“此事岂可使卿有勋焉？”</strong>
</blockquote>
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<p data-role="editor-name">责任编辑：</p>
